Finding a Healthy Community: A Pathway to Healing and Wholeness
The search for healthy community is not just important—it’s vital. For survivors of trauma, abuse, or coercive control, finding a supportive community is often the key that unlocks healing and wholeness. Sometimes that feels like the most terrifying thing you can do after losing your community due to traumatic experience, but healing happens in community, so re-engaging is vital. Drawing from insights in Tabitha Westbrook’s transformative book, Body & Soul, Healed & Whole, as well as other experts on community, this article explores how to find and foster healthy community connections that help heal the soul and body.
Why Healthy Community Matters
Abusers often isolate their victims to maintain control. Westbrook notes that isolation may not always be explicit. It can be subtle, such as discouraging friendships or interrupting social plans. Over time, isolation becomes normalized, leading survivors to question their own worthiness of friendship or belonging. Isolation also can happen when a community ostracizes someone due to questions or as an effort to “punish” noncompliance with community norms.
But humans are inherently social beings. As Westbrook emphasizes, we are created by community (a Trinitarian God) to thrive in community. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT) reinforces this truth clearly, urging us not to neglect meeting together because mutual encouragement and shared strength are critical to our well-being.
How Do We Find Healthy Community?
1. Start with Safe Enough Spaces
Safety is foundational to community-building after trauma. Westbrook stresses the importance of recognizing and establishing safety first. Safety doesn’t mean avoiding all discomfort or challenge. Rather, it means choosing environments and people that respect your boundaries and emotional needs. No community will be perfect because people do peopley things at times. But communities can be safe enough.
Start by evaluating the relationships and communities already around you. Who makes you feel safe, respected, and valued? Where can you take a risk to enter in? Write those places down and work toward giving them a try.
2. Know and Set Your Boundaries
According to Westbrook, clear boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. Boundaries communicate what is acceptable and what isn’t, providing clarity and freedom for everyone involved. Good boundaries are loving, clearly communicated, and come with enforceable consequences.
Take the time to clearly define your personal boundaries. If you’ve never considered them before, start by identifying your core values. What behaviors or actions would violate these values?
Practical Steps to Finding Healthy Community
Reconnect with Previous Life-giving Communities:
Think about past friendships or groups that were supportive and enriching. Reaching out to these communities again might be challenging, but it often proves healing.
Join a Support Group:
Westbrook highly recommends connecting with a trauma-informed survivors' group. These groups provide understanding without the need to explain or justify your experiences. These communities may be faith based or not depending on your need.
Explore New Communities Based on Shared Interests:
Join groups related to your hobbies or interests. This is a gentle way to begin interacting socially, which can feel less intimidating than directly addressing trauma. They also are fun! We often lose our capacity for fun because trauma strips it from us. Engaging in shared fun can be deeply healing!
Navigating Faith Communities
Westbrook addresses the complexity of re-engaging with faith communities after spiritual abuse. While some church experiences can be harmful, many others are safe and nurturing. Look for faith communities that openly support trauma survivors, clearly condemn abuse, and are proactive about protecting vulnerable members.
When choosing a church or spiritual group:
Seek those openly committed to trauma-informed care.
Ask about their policies on abuse and recovery.
Attend recovery groups within faith communities that explicitly address your needs as a survivor.
Overcoming Barriers and Managing Fear
It’s natural to fear betrayal or rejection when seeking community, especially after trauma. Westbrook advises going slow. Initially, your boundaries might be very firm. Over time, as you feel more secure, you might gradually allow yourself to trust and expand those boundaries.
Remember, true community accepts you where you are and encourages growth without pressure.
Community as a Conduit for Healing
Healthy community is healing precisely because it offers authentic, compassionate relationships. When trauma isolates us, community reconnects us. It helps us reclaim our identity, relearn trust, and rebuild confidence.
The journey toward healthy community is not always linear or quick. It often involves trial and error, adjustments, and ongoing self-reflection. But as Westbrook beautifully illustrates, it’s a journey that’s well worth taking.
Final Encouragement
You deserve a supportive, healthy community. You deserve people who see your worth and affirm it, who encourage rather than discourage, and who accept all parts of you—even the wounded ones. This type of community does exist, and you are worthy of it.
As you step forward, may you find the courage to open your heart again. Remember, healing happens best together.
You’ve got this. You are worth healing. You are worth wholeness.
Next Steps
If you’re ready to move forward in your healing, here are some resources:
📝 Reach Out for Support – Connect with our clinical or coaching team to help you get on your journey.
📖 Get Tabitha’s Book – If sexual harm is part of your story, Tabitha wrote a book to help you. Body & Soul, Healed & Whole: An Invitational Guide to Healthy Sexuality After Trauma, Abuse, and Coercive Control may be just what you need to undo the shattering you’ve experienced. Preorder today (releases 01 April 2025).
